After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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