the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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