Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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