Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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