Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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