guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
