The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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