Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
