Did you just see the Batmobile???
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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