So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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