what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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