So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
