You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
