when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
