No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
