I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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