walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
