put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
