she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
