Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
