I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
