dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
