Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
