Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
