Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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