I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
