I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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