her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
