Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
