last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
