Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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