when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
