My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
