babies were throwing up all over the place
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
