Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
