Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
