I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i love accidental penises.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
