So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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