big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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