My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
