I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
birth control should be required to get into college
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
