You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
