i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we made out on top of his cat.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
