So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
