They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
