Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
