"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
