Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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