i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
