P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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