12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
