I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
